More convinced than ever

Still unvaccinated, still think the masking and lockdowns went way beyond what they should have...

From what I hear, Covid isn't in the mainstream news much anymore, so maybe that's why others aren't seeing what I am... out of sight, out of mind?  However, my heart is breaking because I am seeing with my very own eyes what the "conspiracy theories" of 1-2 years ago said would happen. There's always been someone I am aware of with cancer and/or a heart condition, sometimes a close connection, sometimes less well known to me, but even with my age in mind, I should not know so many people with new, acute and severe cancer, blood and/or heart diagnoses.  A female friend my age, with daughters younger than my son, a male friend and co-worker of 51, the brother-in-law of someone at church and the neighbour of my mum, both who are younger than me, my previous line manager, of an older age but no preexisting indications or comorbidities... and other less directly connected people I am aware of through others.

While I believed there was some truth in the theories, whether conspriracy or not, and I made my decisions in light of them, there was a part of me that WANTED to be wrong, because the truth meant suffering for others.  But I still can't tell most people how I feel or what I think is happening, because it would still be considered 'selfish' or 'unkind' to suggest that the jabs are doing more bad than good.  Not everyone has had an adverse reaction, true, but then not everyone had a bad case of Covid either... the severe cases and some deaths were clustered together and the mainstream media didn't let you miss a single one, but these cases and deaths are more spread out and not a single one has been mentioned in mainstream media... it's the "boil-a-frog-from-cold-water" scenario, but how do you tell the frog what's really happening?

For those who don't know (this whole thing is actually more of a record for myself), here's my "unjabbed" timeline:

• mid October 2021 - I had the worst ear infection I can remember having... it was a very strange illness that started with a cold/cough, but just as I was feeling better from that my sinuses and inner ears blew up... it took 3 courses of antibiotics (still wish I'd started the first course sooner, but it wasn't easy to see a GP and I didn't want to do a PCR test, though I did do a couple of Antigen tests, before seeing others, that were negative) and a course of oral steroids to get on top of it early-December... took starting 2xdaily sinus rinses and 3xdaily Otovent inflations to see it starting to fade away.  (Note: I was with someone just before this started who had recently been fully vaccinated, but had a strange cold/cough himself.)
• early January 2022 - I assumed I'd been exposed to it, by the fact that I'd not been as "careful" as others in regards to my own 'Covid safety', but Ross and I paid for private blood tests (venous)... both Antibody and T Cell Reactivity.  He was positive on both counts (full of antibodies actually, so I guess that 2 day cough he had in December may well have been "it".  I was NEGATIVE on both counts and actually quite disappointed to be so!
• late January 2022 - The T Cell study I'd signed up to a couple of months before finally sent a test kit over, and I did a blood test (capillary), which came back weirdly showing me positive for Spike Protein antibodies, but negative for both Nucleocapsid antibodies and T Cell reactivity... this is the same result one would have expected to see of a vaccinated person, so maybe the tests didn't work, as it was still a study, but the only other option is that I was exposed to Spike Proteins through shedding (another of those pesky conspiracy theories appearing to be true!).
• early February 2022 - I felt my glads swollen on the Monday afternoon, overnight had chills and aches that kept me awake most of the night, tired and not hungry the next day but starting to feel better by the end of the day... if my inner ears and sinuses hadn't started playing up again, I would have felt well enough for work the day after that, however I did an Antigen test and there was a faint line so I stayed at home until the alloted time had passed.
• late February 2022 - I had let the study know that I'd likely had "it" and they sent me a second test kit... the results of this one, received in early March, were POSITIVE for antibodies, both S and N, but negative for T Cell Immunity (too soon? not really SARS-COV-2 anymore?).
• May 2022 - Ross's mum had an adverse reaction to her booster... violently ill for a few days, unwell for a few weeks, eyesight affected ongoing and had to have a new prescription of glasses only 6 months after her previous new prescription!
• September 2022 - Having managed to convince Ross's mum to do a blood test before deciding whether to have her next booster, I had another blood test (venous) myself and was BORDERLINE for T Cell Reactivity (adding weight to my own theory that Omicron is so far removed (changed) from SARS-COV-2 that it'll be reclassified at some point).

There are finally studies and murmurings about adverse reactions, evidence supporting natural immunity AND about the lack of severity with Omicron to the jabs within the wider scientific community, the number of papers and reports surely can't be ignored by the others for much longer, but the average person, especially Californians it would seem, still think that we're slowly moving out of a Pandemic (justified by Covid, rather than the Covidmania I'd say it was) and that there is still a risk of death to Covid that couldn't be attributed to anything else.

I am not ashamed to be unvaccinated (yes, perhaps even a bit proud), and I would never deny it if asked, but I have friends who still assume I must have had the jab and I haven't yet corrected them because of the argument that would ensue... that continues to make me sad, that we've moved so far on from original misconceptions, and yet it could still cause an argument.

I don't think the full truth (origin, reasons for response, extent of damage of either response or jabs) will ever be known, but I am praying that I will at least be able to tell all my friends what I am thinking and feeling without losing their friendship or trust soon... I've seen some changing their minds, but usually because they or somoene close to them have had an adverse reaction, so I still can't be fully honest with them while they are struggling... and yet I can't stop asking myself, should I have said more before?  The few family and friends I've had on the same side of the fence as me and the alternative media have helped to keep me sane while I've watched the world around me go crazy.